The Story You Tell Yourself

I made a decision to stop the negative chatter because it was controlling my ability to have fun and be successful.

Kim D.

A little over two years ago, I (Kim D.) began a journey I had never been on before at any time in my life. I started the quest to become physically fit.

First there were the 1:1 sessions with Scooby. I didn’t know what half the equipment was and she had to give me many repetitive instructions for many weeks. For a good while I thought “high knee hugs” were called “heinie hugs.” Clueless really. I was too nervous to work out with others and especially the guys!

Slowly, but surely, it all started coming together. I even started group classes. I began to get to know others better. Everyone that surrounded me was so encouraging. However, it all still felt like work.

I wasn’t having fun. Working out had become a habit, but it had not become enjoyable. It was now a box that needed to be checked like any other task at work.

Why? The external encouragement and reinforcements were being negated by my own internal thoughts.

“This is too hard.”

“This will hurt.”

I can’t.”

I hate this.”

I am not strong enough.”

Of course the classic: “Are we done yet?”

I am not as fit as she is.”

I can’t last 20 seconds on that bike.” (I had a lot of thoughts and feeling surrounding the Assault Bike.)

“This isn’t working because the scale says it isn’t.”

No wonder it felt like a job. I was making my time at the gym an unpleasant experience; sometimes before the class even started! Now, I will tell you that this realization that I was building my own roadblocks was not a self-realization. 

One day, I began to contemplate out loud all the reasons why the heaviness of the weight Blake had given me for a Floor To Sky was not going to work for me.

He pointed up to our mantra on the wall: “I Am Strong. I Am Able.”

He said, “Come on! Don’t talk yourself out of it!”

That moment stuck in my mind and stayed with me into the evening. I took inventory of all my routine thoughts in the gym; some were internal but many times I voiced them for anyone around to hear. How frustrating that must have been for Scooby and Blake who were really trying hard to bring me along. I was embarrassed.

I made a decision to stop the negative chatter because it was controlling my ability to have fun and be successful. I jokingly started to say, “This is going to be FUN.”

I stopped saying anything negative out loud. I didn’t want to bring myself down NOR anyone around me. I am now very intentional with the thoughts captive in my head. I focus on non-scale wins and celebrate those. I try to encourage others and receive the encouragement given to me. I try to be a fan of myself.   

It has been a little over two years since I hesitantly, and nervously, walked into 413. Guess what? I am having FUN now!!! Are you?

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